I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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