I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
