Jerry, you need to find god
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
