So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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