$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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