i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
