I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
