My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
