when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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