Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
