Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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