We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
