I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
