hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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