I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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