i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
