Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
