ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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