Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
