I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
