Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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