I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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