my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
