remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
