Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
