you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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