I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
