i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
