Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
