Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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