During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
