I want to make a zoo with you.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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