Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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