This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
