I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
