I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
