If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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