idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
