You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
