You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
