sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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