Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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