I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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