JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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