You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
