plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
