I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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