seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
