two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
