I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
