I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
