It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
