So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
