bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
