is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
