dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
